I'm back (part two).

I lied. Sort of. This next post will have a different tone as promised; it just will not have anything to do with Ireland and Scotland. I have actually been keeping notes for this post for over a year now and even though I have not been caught in this situation for a while, just reading my notes I am immediately incensed.

This post is about public transit etiquette.

1) If you are sitting in the first row of seats and an elderly person or someone with small children gets on the bus, move.

If the bus is not full then get up, offer your seat, and you be the one to walk a little ways down the bus to the next seat. You will be seen as a compassionate awesome person whom people hope their children grow into.

If the bus is full then stand, offer your seat, and grab hold of a railing. In this situation you will be revered, near sainthood, depending on the denomination of the observer. If you don’t, then you are THAT ASSHOLE. Emphasis fully intended.

Anyone who makes an elderly person, pregnant woman, or person with a small child, stand in the middle of a crowded bus/trolley/tram and try and stay upright through all the swaying, stopping, and staring, all while comfortable sitting on their butt and resting their able legs and arms, is an asshole.

My biggest pet-peeve are those who walk onto the bus or trolley when it is almost empty and sit down in those front seat (which are clearly designated) and then do not get up. I mean come on. That is just lazy and rude, and your excuse for being rude is being lazy.

2) If you are standing on public transit, please be cognizant of your body parts and accessories attached to yourself while swaying, walking, or shifting. Especially your butt, please.

If I am one of the lucky ones sitting, I don’t want to have to be leaning into my neighbor as if we are long lost lovers just because every time there is a tilt your purse, elbow, backpack, or worse, rear-end, invades my personal space that only family, friends, or doctors should be in.

Worse is when your body or accessory connects with some portion of my body and you do nothing to prevent this from happening again. You expect me to move to allow you the extra room you require for unhindered swaying or tilting. Not cool.

3) Number three is my most controversial complaint and I’d say only half of the people I mention this to agree. The other half really don’t want to talk to me for a while afterwards, so here goes.

If you have not showered or changed clothing for more than three days, don’t get on public transit during rush hour. This goes for people suffering homelessness or those going through an au natural period in their life.

I know that sounds rude but here is my honest opinion. If either by choice or not, you smell like a port-a-potty that has been sitting in the sun, you probably don’t have a job that requires you to ride public transit during rush hour. If you do, you are about to get fired. If you smell that bad you are most likely not heading to a job interview or job training that requires you to ride public transit during rush hour. In fact I am hard pressed to find a reason that you are on public transit during rush hour, but I do know that you make about 25 people already squished against each other extremely uncomfortable and in some cases nauseated. It is especially angering when you are lounging across two seats because no one can sit next to you without fainting.

This may seem rude, but dude, you have no job, you can ride public transit to wherever you are going at whatever time you want, but you choose rush hour.


So there are my three biggest pet-peeves with public transit. Loud cell-phone conversations and screaming kids are not included because I listen to podcasts and do suduko puzzles while on public transit. Which might make a few of the above that more infuriating…

4) Don’t mess with a girls’ daily suduko puzzle!